“There's a quality of life in Maine which is this singular and unique. I think. It's absolutely a world unto itself.” - Jamie Wyeth
It felt like I stepped into a place to pause. Time seemed to stop and life got simpler. Normally when I think of pausing, I program it (it seems to be in my nature to plan). If I’m going to pause my regular life, especially for a trip, I think through a lot of details-- What books will I read? What are the best places to eat? Where are the adventure spots?-- But this trip, I did not do that. I fully accepted my friend’s hospitality and simply took the time to be with God.
This was my first time in Maine. My first time meeting my friend Aaron in person. My first time accepting hospitality for my toddler and I together from non-family-members. My first time not over-planning a trip. Friends, by doing all of these things I was able to rest, and I wanted to share a few of the things I learned along the way.
Since I didn’t plan a concrete schedule or structure for myself, I ended up listening to my intuition-- which surprisingly sounded a lot like the virtual trainer who accompanies me in my earbuds while I’m running. Common phrases my trainer says to encourage me on my run are: “Focus on the now” ... “Look straight ahead and see where you are going” ... “Admire how far you have come” ... Funny enough, the things I need to do while I’m running are exactly the things I need to do while I’m resting.
“Focus on the now.”
I focused on being present. I focused on being in nature. I focused on taking time just for me. Every morning I ran one way on a local trail that took me by the Kennebec River. Then I would take my time walking back on the same path admiring all the ways my senses were being reprogrammed to notice the little things. While my friends worked, and my little one napped in the jogging stroller, I was able to really see the world all around me.
“Look straight ahead and see where you are going.”
I am in this weird transition phase of life. I find myself loving my time as a stay-at-home mom, while also desiring the freedom to just be myself in the world. I am finding my strength as a woman who is an individual but also in need of a community to keep going forward. I spoke with a friend about blogging and pastoring, and we both were able to speak of our fears and insecurities, while acknowledging the joy we get from writing and teaching about God’s all encompassing kingdom of love through Jesus Christ. I do not know definitely where I am going (I think we rarely know this). But so far, looking straight ahead at the very near future, I see: planning summer trips and birthday parties (two year old Bluey theme anyone?), starting a book club focused on community, and finding further ways to connect with KC Central United Methodist. More than all that, I know I am content and that is a miracle I gladly accept.
“Admire how far you have come.”
I used to misunderstand contentment. I confess I thought of it as a bad thing. I thought “contentment” meant I was lazy or stagnant or unmotivated. To me, it implied I was so privileged that I could be a couch potato all day. But, thankfully, I have come to learn that is not at all what contentment is, and I’m admiring the ways my understanding has deepened. The lovely Wikipedia describes it thus: “Contentment is an emotional state of satisfaction that can be seen as a mental state, maybe drawn from being at ease in one's situation, body and mind.” My time in Maine gave me space to meditate on the contentment I have found in this season and being at ease in my situation (in all its strangeness).
A frequently quoted scripture came to my mind as I was on that trail: “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). The thing is, this line is only a small part of this particular song. Rather than the song being about what we understand, it is filled with acknowledgement of God’s steadfast presence even in times of turmoil. In image after image, the song points to the way that God is our fortress. The term fortress always makes me think of the time Jesus describes God’s desire to gather the people together to protect them as a mother hen does her brood. I found myself taking the time to run -- no pun intended -- to the safe place that is God’s presence. It is a journey to get there and it is a journey to follow my mama hen’s lead, but I’m focusing on the now, looking straight ahead, and admiring how far I’ve come.
Thanks Em, Aaron, my little one, and God for a time that will always be special because it was ordinary and yet extraordinary. Thanks be to God for good friends and oxymorons.